I’m 34 weeks pregnant. With my fifth baby, so that means that things (many things) have shifted and I am uncomfortable. I’m rocking the pregnant waddle (at least that’s what I tell myself as I shuffle awkwardly through Target and in and out of preschool. Thank heavens Bailey and Natalie can just open the minivan doors and hop out at their school). My ankles are gone and my toes look more like lil smokies every day. Rolling over in bed is a major undertaking, sleep is becoming more elusive, and have I mentioned that it’s hooooooooot already where I live? 90 degrees hot.
And, you know, this baby girl-to-be of mine? She doesn’t move all the time. As in, not at every second of every day, so I find myself getting anxious and scared and nervous until a comforting twitch comes along and I relax again for a few minutes.
My poor family has been bearing the brunt of my uncomfortable-ness and my freaking-out-ness and I am really not that pleasant a person to be around right now. (I’m sorry, honey. I really am.) So this little chalkboard art by my brilliant eight-year-old was just the reminder I needed today as I shlepped my fifth load of laundry to the washer.
It’s a choice, after all, to be happy or not. To be agitated, to lose my patience, to be frustrated, to sweat the small stuff. My choice to find joy, to be grateful, to cherish the little things, to be okay with not knowing how this whole pregnant thing is going to turn out.
For me, it all comes down to faith and choice. Faith that this baby girl will come home with me, that I’ll get to raise her with her sisters. That she will open her eyes and move and cry and poop and eat and sleep and just be here, with me and mine. Faith that our Patrick’s loss was a fluke, a rare lightening strike that will not happen again. Faith that God’s plan for my family, though it included our great sorrow, also holds great joy in our future.
And my choice, to accept the sorrow of the past but not let it turn to bitterness. (This is hard.) To accept the discomfort of now and not let it spoil my temperament or the way I treat those I love the most. To choose happiness and joy, even in the face of uncertainty and nervousness.
Bee happy. Wise words from my eldest. Learning these lessons from my kids is truly the best part of motherhood. What have your kids taught you lately?